Happy Bloody Birthday Bloody Happy

Some one's having a birthday shortly and here's a lovely little balloon to celebrate - so there you have it the celebration!

Well I'm just not going to apologise!

You see I've been busy being. Believe what you will

You might even be interested where have I been in the last 2 months, if you don't just exit now - on certain distasteful sites they say "take me somewhere else". Never quite understood why some one would get near enough to entering such sites to then opt for the above choice. Possibly they have some real nastiness up their sleeves if you make this selection.

The answer is, however, I've been nowhere - rumour has it I'm going off island tomorrow. This is very unnerving and makes me wish it already has occurred. Some people fear that I might build a home of twigs in the bushes and wander into town once a year. It will depend who's in the twigged haven.

Let's start with the standard topics: the housing front. There seems to always be one being recommended at committee stage as though we are functionairies of the government responsible for the living arrangements of the elderly.

The Belvedere sold, though we are renting it back whilst working on the next project. The new place is all bit of the same old.; empty house, rectangular and square rooms with no furniture. Typical Canadian 1980's styling - and didn't the Canuck Design Club have a way about them? Because of their lack of taste things now are in a real mess. Its a shame murder squads are outlawed - reality shows on how to renovate your home is theatre managed by vermin; literally out of control.

To get an idea of how dreadful the situation is here in the provinces there is now a TV show featuring those horrific gay b'tards from Scotland (Colin & Justin) with a mandate to rid Canada of ugly homes one at a time. Just focusing on the 80's could take a millennium.

We've got to hand it to them though - when gays get going the going is similar to a repugnant Canadian comedy show from Winnipeg, Toronto or some backwater called Montreal. If anyone saw the Gemini Awards (CAD TV Self Congratulatory Evening) they will understand what is being referred to. Let's say its just a waste of electricity and a difinitive reason for the use of nuclear warheads.

Okay!!! - I can just heard my dear friends saying "If you don't like it go back" - from hence forward I'll be nice to my fellow Canuckers. Wouldn't that just rhyme with some of the finer words of the English vocabulary. Now I fear that I may be obtaining my material from a pathetic source rather than the preferred abhorrent one. Being rude has no style but being abhorrent is just so much more a focused state of mind

When touring about looking for homes we ended up with a little theme song, very much not in the mode of Jack Kerouac as it once featured on "Three's Company" - come on lets sing it: "Come and knock on our door, we've been waiting for you" ......... and now the door: (note the glass etching - makes me itch)











Here's some lovely boring pics of 220 Mobrae - you'll see what I mean by the "same old"
















Don't they just turn the ole' crank?! I'm definitely going to miss the view from Saltspring Way but the deal is not to get attached.

Just in case you haven't noticed, the melancholy season draws around us as the lights flicker earlier in the gleam of the setting sun on the Pacific. Brother moon rises high and recalls jack o'lanterns of our "pied pipered" adolescence. The last notes of this year's violin are played out as we don our coats with high necks and hats held on by chilled hands. It's autumn and death nears as we enter the month of remembrance. All Saints and Souls days are acknowledged as we light candles for those gone before. A time of golden light and dark nights; I'm going to stop now before any of this starts to make sense.

I was thinking, as I put on my ceremonial Sikh sword and Buddhist henna facial this morning along with my Franciscan robes and removing the last accessory donned by which I was acknowledging the important influence of Coco Chanel and Ugly Betty, that an unguent and unctuous fashion statement needs to be found in everything we do. Go on make the effort.

Px

PS to my non-Canadian readers. Some of this may have not made sense - be assured you're not missing much.

The Belvedere is on the Market

Well we all knew we going to try to turn this little monkey of a house around and here we go again. Here's the link

http://www.thehobbs.ca/component/option,com_hotproperty/task,view/id,88/Itemid,79/

So the search for the buyer starts as well as finding another one to work on.

Below is another entry I added the other day -- very odd one but hopefully will make you chuckle in the sweet Chuckie fashion

Px

OKAY - So a week is a really long time on SSI

I promised several entries since my last one on the 11th of July 1972 - sorry 2007 - however, it got cooler and I had to paint the deck, worked on this and that and whatever else came our way. However, mostly I just have not found the energy to sit down and spew at you good folks.

It is very important that a couple of things are cleared up. My little animal that ended my last posting, which caused no end of upset particularly with the lady readers, I should explain that my friend is real and actually now visits on a regular basis. We sit on a bench by the water's edge listening to the ebb of the ocean's heart and share stories and buckets of gossip. Her name (yes she is a grand ole girl that was rather mistreated by her male siblings during a genetic experiment they did in the the bowels of their parents home) is Pricilla Petrus. She hates it and would prefer Prissy Pussy but I said no!

The brothers, Innes and Pinnes, were rather unassuming psycho cases; you have all read about these types usually roaming high schools or seen in shopping malls mumbling to themselves over the decision of which fast food sugar hit they will next make. A few things to know about the boys. Though they claim to be someones sons they are actually born from an egg styled pod which is randomly laid by loonies that can't keep their hands out from under their nighties. This randomness allows for complete anonymity by the parent.

Ironically, when things do go bad some woman type comes forward. They usually have head hair that you could fry eggs on, none or very few teeth, and a beer belly. Their postal address is a unit and parking lot number. Of course they have been misled by their junky PR manager who has assured them they are on the cusp of being famous. They have never seen a picture of Elizabeth Taylor - not even at her worst - so they are somewhat lost in the oleo of life.


My friend, Pricilla, who did live through the tortures of these pesty little varmits, actually has quite the story - but this we will go over in time. I do want to share with you how she appears to the public when she's not be convinced to drop her clothing for a photo shoot. Little does she know that it has been done before. Here's the picture:



Seen it before? Amazing what a little bit of makeup and a twist of hair can do for a half dog/half human gene experiment. I know it looks similar to Audrey but in my little world every female does. It really helps me get around the fat ugly ones. Many of you may also remember the coat I once wore in her memory (a rather camp time and not one on a lake).

As for her family pod here's a little shot of them, they don't seem all that bad but again loads of plasticine has been used here:


Just your average North American family? - well what about:


If you notice there is a light on behind the mother's head - this is an indication that she just got the idea to go out and eat mice. The boys, of course paranoid of this woman, are laughing in that uneasy rodent fashion that seems to be a main characteristic of this great clan.

I have as yet not been able to find a recipe featuring mice - of course I wouldn't these people do not know how to read or write. They use noises only decipherable by single cell organisms Their sex lives are similar

Topic Two


I found it very disappointing that some of you didn't get the reason behind the visit to the hospital. Those that did please pour yourselves a drink - it will slowly kill you.


I've not had problems with things other than people asking how I'm feeling. The ole joke "with my hands" is too passe so I've got these new ones:


"Not sure I'm still very numb in some areas"


"Obviously it's not obvious to you that I have a ticking clock around my neck"


"Didn't really feel unwell, just had a craving to visit a hospital full of loonies - I had nothing on that week nor did they"


"Would you still have asked me that question if I used blush?"


"Much better since losing the tumour during a dream - a rather damp one I might point out"


"Still rather angry that I spent so much money (UKL) and still I'm going to make my 50th"


I do, however, feel that you get a slight aura around oneself when people are thinking to themselves and mumbling those great adjectives: drunk, alkie, loser, down and out (sorry that was more than one word) but in my stoic leper fashion I carry on I've got aura. It's not one that is going to open the gates of heaven I assure you. It's been remarked that that I shouldn't spit into other people's drinks if I really do have leprosy. There are just too many PC rules around. It really kills the fun and scaremongering.


In actual fact my Friends and Family have been very kind. All they get back is some kind of 3rd class sense of humour and some hurt feelings. They are such sports - many many thanks.


Might I note that the homeless on Robson Street in Vancouver don't really care.


So we have no pics this week on the house - proper ones are being done this coming week and we'll forward the link once available. We're pretty pleased with the outcome - the question is will someone be so kind to hand over the dosh? We hope to be on the market by next weekend.


Other updates in Christmas card mode:


We had a wonderful visit with my brother and his delightful wife Deborah and our friend Bryan has come to visit and work on the project as his holiday pastime. Some regrets may exist in his mind on that one. We're still having delays in the balance payment from the buyer of Hundred Hills House over the septic. We feel he's blessed to have our old septic as many people go without. The rest of the families are well. We enjoy life on Saltspring so very very much and have taken up knitting, needle working, and charitable works. People wave as we pass, we don't understand what they are saying as we are only now conversing in Portuguese in preparation for our humanitarian stint on the beach in Brazil.




Stoically,
Px

Hospitality on another level

Who’d expect it? You go in for a few tests and before you know it you’re marched off to the hospital on a virtual compulsory order from the physician. Here’s an interesting note: that last four letters make up the name Cian – he is from Irish folklore and was born with a filmy membrane on his head and then turned into a pig later in life by a Druid’s wand. Those Druids had such a wonderful sense of fun. Regardless, remember that little story next time you run into anyone that has “cian” at the end of their title or I’d suggest high tailing it out of wherever you are if is actually their name; there maybe a wand waiting to do have some jolly ole fun.

Our little “cottage” hospital, as it was referred to Circa 1904, offers the finest possible of medical services in a very rural community setting it. Luckily enough it is hospital that stores characters that made me open my eyes, drop my jaw and generally scared the “b’jesus” out of me.

My first encounter was the screaming witch with the “all about me attitude” but it would be as she was that kind of size or that some would say takes up far too much space. She also featured sky blue dyed hair which had obviously done by someone with a great sense of humour. Her clothing was a spin off from the hookers of Ancient Rome and of course Goth makeup – shame she suffered the shakes it really as it was everywhere. Her form of transport is what I found remarkable. Having turned the seat of a wheelchair towards her, she placed a bedpan on the seat and put her head in the pan. With the force of true determination she headed to the exit of the hospital where she could enter the garden where smoking is permitted (not after 01 July you nasty piece of work). The door was kept opened, but I saw an opportunity and released the lock on the door. Smack – she wasn’t hurt but rather stunned that she’d lost her wicked powers. Throughout my stay she remained a screamer but the mare never did find out who let the door close on her.

I shared my room with three chaps, in their 90’s but I’ll still call them chaps. Two remained in bed in a semi-comatose state. They yelled out interesting little phrases like “this place is doomed” or “shit, shit, shit” but in fact that one had wet his bed – rather confusing. Number two inmate would talk aloud to himself. He was actually lucid in his thoughts but I didn’t need to know he was going to try for another bowel movement. I would, however, know when it happened; a truly grand sound.

The third chap could get out of bed. He was a real character but in terrible pain. He did have panache for putting the family jewellery selection on display and falling asleep standing at the one sink in the room or forgetting why he’d wandered into the bathroom. Obviously the little men’s room did not come with exit directions. One night, somewhat confused, he tried to make my bed for me – I just happened to be in it as it was 2:30am. He was so thin I called him Praying Mantis. It wasn’t meant to mean it is just a way to describe him; believe me I never said it to his face. Always the example of gentlemanly behaviour.

Then there was the most disliked man on SSI. He would interrupt our conversations, go on about what I could do to regain my hair which included something he kept under his sink at home. He was otherwise thoroughly obnoxious. We would take him out to the smoking garden, at his request, and forget about him until bedtime when I’d mention something to the nurses. They didn’t seem to mind that he’d disappeared. On the last morning he asked why I wasn’t wearing a hat and that I would loose my hair (bit late you b’stard). The only comeback that could come to mind was: “I’ll wear a hat if you wear a muzzle”. I then wandered off. Of course I mumbled it being the chicken that I am which is somewhat pathetic as the guy couldn’t walk on his own.

Being someone that wouldn’t have used a public toilet before entering the hospital I definitely surprised everyone with my ability to adjust. I now shower at the laundry in town and only use public toilets – I’ve just become so reckless and carefree.

I did have several moments when I thought back to the Nuffield Private hospital in Hove, England. How hard we sometimes fall. I particularly thought of this when eating the Cow Patty Mousse which became somewhat a staple dessert on our menu.

My great friends of Saltspring visited daily and I’m terribly grateful for their time and the deep concern they showed – a truly wonderful group of people. We chatted about everything and one of our conclusions is that as each person has a unique colon the uniqueness should be record as a form of identification rather than finger prints. Okay, I’ve no idea how we went down this route but it was a meaningful and deep conversation. It was indeed, almost metaphysical on many levels.

I’m home now – Alan, I think, thought I was getting too adjusted and having too much fun with my playmates so he ordered me back to Reno II.

Please note: Alan is not responsible for any content, he’s just appears because I needed an ‘A’ to make P&A and because he’s more than special for putting up with me!

I did think I saw this creature the other day
or was that just one of the moments we
all have whilst in a hospitality clinic?

Just another insight into a strange world.

Px

Something on the strange side - but on going

Tuesday, who would have never known it would that day of the week? Bright, breezy, the ripple on the ocean from my deck appeared as silk on a princesses’ bed. White sails floating past and a cool turn of breath from the sky on my neck. But this is not really the state of affaires. That was the view and so much was happening inside.

We kept it all quiet.I have always said OKAY in most situations not knowing that it was a self induced sense of empowering where there was no right to do so. But here I go again with Okay it was Tuesday. Never liked the day – mind you pancakes can be okay from time to time. However, it hailed Ash Wednesday and that was worrying. How good of a Catholic are we if we don’t understand that poignant date in the liturgical calendar?I never did any nasties on Tuesdays – but let’s jump forward and look on the other days of the week that I somehow leaped out of the box of the bland.

Friday
Dinner with the family. Terribly infused with the spirits of wine and otherwise; I remove myself from their presence to go forth. Think I did a nasty that night. Married men can be very worrying - take your imagination where ever it wishes to go.

Saturday
Generally stayed in – several times just drinking through the night. Often, I would make very odd phone calls, which to this day I still regret. Well it is Saturday and Sunday is in view with whatever penance it will come with. We might as well, during this short life, take a chance and see what options are out there. Saturdays also generally cost the price of 2 bottles of dark rum. Whilst at university that was a lot of money.

Monday
Oh dear me – ever felt your head on such a day? There was a film about leaving Vegas that always reminded me about my state of mental health. Also, it’s the day of the big decisions – company crap – personal stuff and worst of all apologies to someone that I said something that shouldn't have. There is a story of a lady visiting our home with a dear friend of ours. She was (probably still is) big – I enquired about her personal status and as she finished saying that she was no longer with her husband I asked “Did you eat him?” I never get the punishment I deserve.I know

I have missed a couple of days and they are coming soon for review – but back to that Tuesday. It was the day of the worst practical joke. ………………… more soon

So you've asked for a look into the mess

These are current pics - it causes grey hair and I only have two left. That's an Alan joke - I'm not really sure how funny it is.

Well the Fat Queen's Birthday is done for a year and a rant.

Get a load of this woman - they actual celebrate her birthday here. She sat on the throne of the Birtish Empire for 64 some odd years because she was fat. In fact I believe she shows up from time to time on Little Britian's Sliming Club. Oh - and the husband - Prince Albert - we know what that's all about. They did have 9 children - story goes she didn't like a single one of them. Here are a couple of examples of her procreation skills


Very much like Alan and I went we don't iron our linens. As though that would ever happen.

Now you're probably thinking that this is all in just simple bad taste. Well you see I've rant about certain things from time to time that drive me a little more mad than I am usually. Example: This Queen Vicky never visited this country I do believe she sent one of the above out for a visit and one her daughters is the reason we have Lake Louise. But these people never really bought into the Canadian thing.


Then there are the ex-pats living in Hollywood and England who develop great careers in their fields and return only when the government of Canada thinks it is time to recognise them. They get the Order of Canada or a place on on the Sidewalk of Fame but really they just disappear once again back to their preferred place of living which is definitely not Canada.

When I was in England - though everyone thought me American or a throw back Irish guy - I was proud to be Canadian but never did I think that I would ever deserve recognition. There are far too many people who stuck it out and continued to make this land a respected place on the world mini-stage. So I say - piss off all those who only "get" rather than really "give"; quite possibly including myself.

Goodness me that felt good.

My brother also advised me that, even knowing it would break my little heart, we don't have Bank Holidays in Canada. He can be cruel. Regardless the banks were closed yesterday so I felt a little better about that. Mind you doctors, plumbers, electricians, garages weren't working either. Do they all work for the banks?

As always
P & A x

We're not dead just slightly busy and there are some stories to share - why you will ask

Having completed the project of the move and now on to the renovation. Alan's got his mate Kris back on island from evil Vancouver and they are hard at destroying the ground floor of our home. It's rather interesting to think we actually purchase properties only to blow them apart. Why not I can sit up on the top floor typing away looking like nothing is happening... actually I'm thinking of doing my nails but I think I'll keep them so I can still scratch out eyes when necessary.

Popped into Sotheby's to say I don't want to live here anymore and I want my money back. They were somewhat taken a back (not to mention Mr Nunn). Oh those Canadians can always be taken for a ride. We've went in to invite them to dinner and the turned the table on us and are now taking us our to Artist Bistro - one of the finer locations on the island. Not Hotel du Vin but we've heard good things.

We had the lovely Shaw Cable guy around today. Please think of the film - Cable Guy- and then think of the lead being played by a man-woman. Whole package; bobbed hair cut to just above the shoulder, dangling boobies over the deck has he/she connected the cables, very unusual smell of musk or was it dead porcupine, and the sighs and woes of an 80 year old granny - sorry but even Little Britain could not have written in this role. He's gone but not without a wink - I'm wearing the burka that we keep in the closest should we need to have him/her back. Far too spooky for my sanitized world.

UHAUL (the moving truck rental company) is an interesting operation,here on SSI, it's run by a troll. He writes your credit card number down and then you later find charges for parts required to build a bridge for his family. Most people are somewhat shocked at the state of affairs on his lot. The dog with the cone protection makes one wonder what sexual activity may have occurred. Oh, the troll guy only cleans only the outside of his vehicles (see notes above about musk). I do love his phone message "We can't answer because I'm in the yard attending to the trucks" - one must ask if the trucks mind. Don't you just want to rub this guys belly? Note: there are things called Internet Trolls. They say disparaging things about sensitive subjects. Oh how I could have my hey day - total destruction of PC standards.

Our move was smooth but our dear friends have said that the next time we we'll have to book professionals as they don't think it necessary to almost kill themselves for our friendship. Of course girlfriend Darlene would do it all again. Bless her! she scrubbed Hundreds Hills to a tee. We even received an email thanking us for leaving the house in such a pristine state. What did they think we'd do. We had to cover up the sins of 3 years. The guys were fantastic and treated me as though I am the disabled little guy I pretend to be.

Okay many of you have been asking for pics and here they are. As you'll see the top floor is moved into and very comfy. The picture featuring the ground floor is actually out of date as there are very few walls and floor covering left. We hope (Alan and Kris actually) to start building the new walls on Thursday. Yes, once again we have the intentions to do everything at a great speed.

Ground floor and 2nd floor - the view is rather delightful












Here are the updates of the top floor; yes it's slightly smaller that HHH.



















Whilst typing away on this fine Tuesday. We've had our friend Garrett over to power wash our roof. Well it's been like watching diarrhea pour off one's house and now the decks are covered in dark moist moss. Now you see why I want my money back. Isn't buying a house no different than a pair of trousers at the GAP? Oh, Garrett wore a white sweat shirt to do the job in. Class act!

Sorry it's not very funny today. I'm a bit tired and concerned. Nothing in particular just concerned; I've been advised its an adult thing.


As always
P & A x

I think we are going to live in a moving box

So we are surrounded by boxes - it seem millions of them. Little ones, big ones, some of them have little personalities. I was talking to one today and she said she was severely depressed by the taping job we had done on her. Something about unnecessary bikini line treatment. These, supposedly, singular purpose items are becoming needy and quite vile. I don't want to knowSo we are down to 10 days to moving and:

The septic is still septic - what did we put down there? There are those two missing B&B guests - hmmm

The government building inspector say all is well but won't put it in writing - bloody government employees

Our mortgage lady laughs every time we come into her office; she can't believe the conservative lenders of Canada will give us money - but she does say we're charming. Blimey that's without the banks knowing us. She says no Canadian would get the deal that Alan gets.

We have the moving team in place - abused friends of course

Appliances on order with the moving date in place - we chose them in 7 minutes of arriving in the store. We don't have time to dither about these thing and I wanted a drink.

Electric and plumbing guys are booked

AND - I've lost my sense of humour. I'm becoming my true profile: glum - well think about it the last time we moved we'd had slaves.

However, you should all pop over for the last event at HHH - yes it's going be the last song and dance. I will perform once drunk enough - many enjoy this particular part of the night. Party attendees have referred to it as the "spectacle". I slide, spin, shuffle, wiggle, and then finally lose my balance and head for the floor, usually in a dramatic backward 10 step program - or is that a program I should join? Alan gets rather upset with me and I have to go to bed where I stay for 12 hours. Hey, I fell because my ears were tired and I lost my balance. What's the issue. It's not like I killed the nasty dogs next door that we won't have to listen anymore.

From Alan's point of view it is embarrassing behaviour - even after 20 years of such events he can't look away. Well the "spectacle" is rather just too much fun not to watch. Mind you I don't have one on video. Maybe that has something to do with my singing ability.

Cheers all - keep on moving.
Px

An Easter Story

The sunny was streaming through the bedroom - a fine bright Easter morning. We'd just spent much of the weekend at the local parish church and we had one more mass to go to before having the great cooked breakfast and the ham roast in the late afternoon. I was rather excited thinking of the egg hunt after we'd had eaten. Daffodils would be all around and the house would have a feel of joy and relief having passed through Lent and Passion Week.

We always received a gift from our mom each year. A little souvenir of Easter that marked the day as the most important in the Christian calendar. It actually really out ranks Christmas on many levels

My gift was laying next to my bed. Wiping the sleep from my eyes and not really seeing clearly due to the beams of light I started to unwrap the gift.

To my shock it was a pair of white nylon socks. Okay I may have been all of 8 years of age but I had already developed an acute sense of dress. White socks are and will ever be an abomination. I list them among some of my other dislikes such as polyester jumpers, nylon trousers, paisley shirts, ice hockey shirts, flared jeans and horizontal stripes on fat people. How possibly could my mother get it wrong didn't she have any idea of what she was raising?

I sat there on the edge of my bed in pajamas (of course I had straighten so they fell in a flow) and the tears came. An 8 year that isn't understood is a little frustrated soldier; though the thought of fatigues also repulsed me.

Realising that I would be expected to wear these white things to mass caused a horrific sobbing to commence as it eased a catatonic hold over my thoughts and body started. I stared out the window without thought. Someone called out my name and I shook out of the hold. Why had I been crying they asked. Oh I stumped my toe was my response. Great I thought it's Easter morning and I've already committed the first sin of the day. But I couldn't share the real reason as there would have been some for of humiliation done to me.

I gathered myself together, dressed, wore black socks and covered them by wearing my trousers lower than usual.

Don't buy nylon white socks for other people - please please please.

Happy Easter - treat yourself today.

Always

Px & Ax

WE'VE DONE THE DEAL DARLINGS

That's Hundred Hills gone -deal sorted so we can move on - however, the house we wanted fell through because of some very strange bank issues. Foreclosures are an odd thing to try and buy. But then another place with even a better view of ocean has come up and we've got an accepted offer and week to put things together.

I can't get over how stressful this has been though it's one way to lose weight and one's mind. I have even noticed that my hair has thinned (oh really) and become greyer; I even had one of those dreadful pins and needles sensations up the arm thing but its gone now. Two glasses of white wine and I was fine. I really should recommend this medicine to the local cardiac department - or maybe not I'll keep it to myself and of course to my dear readers.

New house here's some pics - its not particularly pretty but there's great potential so that will be the next adventure to change the slightly ugly duckling into a desirable swan.

Of course we've got to do all the necessary "stuff" I really hate "stuff" it's irritating.




So the date of getting out of here is the 26th and hopefully we'll be able to the arrange the deal on this place for the same day. Reminds me of the time we move from Mayo Road to Squirrel Corner England we were in Alan's parents back garden with everthing we own in a truck and no keys when someone came out and said the deal had fell thru. I assure you they are lucky to be alive. Regardless it should come together and if it doesn't I've decided that I will put on a Croatian Army uniform and sort some people out. Of course I would need to change my name to Paolovaiscic or some like that. Then I'd march around looking really important and later in the game the UN would take me to the World Court in the Hague and I'd have the world stage to play with. Dear me - I can really lose the plot sometimes - we are just talking about buying and selling a house!

Updates to follow and thanks all for keeping up with the bizarre little guy on SSI. Alan just shakes his dear head in disbelief.

Px

Our Septic is Septic

We have discovered that our one of our septic fields isn't very well. Surprise surprise - harsh,, wet winter... over use... and as if we really understand any of this business in the refuse department. So the sale of the house has been delayed until next Friday whilst we have previous stars of the Deliverance pop group" Duelling Banjos" coming by and excavating to under cover the issue at hand.

Alan goes on about what the perks when you're in this business of septics. In travel you at least get a free flight, accommodations, car hire etc. But in the septic tank business what's the incentive. Very worrying. I've attached the pic for you city folk.

So the offer on our first choice has gone thru so now we're working on an English styled manor. Oh how the Canadians from time to time want to be English. It's really a bit of a laugh. Here's a preview.

It's of course over priced, needs work but there's us 2 mad men wanting it. Sometimes I really feel we should seek professional help. The only set back here is that the property has "glimpses of the ocean". So I guess we'll have to snuggle up to the neighbours and see we can get some trimming done to maximize the view potention. Snuggling could get nasty or moist. Not sure the order.

The place will be a challenge and I'm sure we'll break the odd finger nail fixing the thing up. Oh well - if we ar to make any proper money on this island it seems doing this is the way to go.

Positive thought, however, it's going to work out.
I don't have a joke today - well other than the one I saw in the mirror coming out of the shower.

Cheers
Px

HOUSE- great show - scary finding one PLUS Marina Update

Okay so you're going to get bored with this topic but you have to realise it is all encompassing. It grabs you by the nether areas and it won't let go. Viewing after viewing. The whole homeless in SSI is too frightening. Although we have dear friends that have offered an oasis for us so we do not get to the point of having to make a panic decision.

So far we've got our star property - still under offer, the little buggers. Then we have our do uppers - renovation on this scale is somewhat daunting. Next are the properties that you could just move in and do the whole North America suburban life style thing.... how boring would that be? Can't see myself or Alan on the set of Desperate Housewives.... oh hang on we probably could fit in.... like the only gays in Wisteria Lane - well there is that one cute guy for who we could be role models (just imagine that) We'd be drinking dark rummies and coke on the porch in our Versaces... oh yes this could be the life. Plus we'd be on telly. Always wanted to get that far. Which brings me to:

AQUA magazine - a local lifestyle mag and who are featured under the home section? Yes it's the Hundred Hills guys P&A. Rather impressed how it's come out as a 4 page spread (not margarine darlings). It plays out our story and features the home well... shame it's done at the end of the era but at least these 2 media sluts have pulled it off. May chins wag and I am sure the Accommodation Group of SSI will be suffering from a jealousy of the highest level. Okay-sounds pompous but we are really proud of having the honour that a magazine of this quality would chose us from the eclectic array of homes on this island.

Here's a pic of what will hopefully be our next home:

MARINA UPDATE

Alan left for good this morning after having been told that he was going to be laid off during the summer. These people have shown their true colours in an Autumn array of evil. I just can't understand how they in one sentence say this and then in the next want to stay friends. Why can't people just get the point of what being decent to each other is about?

So I guess it's probably going to be reno - reno - reno - flip - flip - flip (almost sounds athletic) to keep earning the money this lifestyle of ours demands. Oh well - we should be able to do it and hopefully enjoy it. Meanwhile I'm taking a course in Voodoo - some people are not going to be able to sleep at night.

Lastly here's a picture with me and my girl friend Darlene. She's away at the moment but calls regularly. It was taken on the boat owned by the Marina people. Guess that won't happen again. As they say WHATEVER -LOOK AT THE FACE BOTHERED?

I now have to pay some bills which will probably result in having to have a lie down afterwards

Cheers
Px

The Neale - as it is St. Patricks Feast we're going back

Our family share our name with a village in Ireland. So much for thinking I'm English to the bone!

The Neale is a English translation for "the welcome" - might explain all those parties

Here's a pic in celebration of wearing the green

Blessings to all on St. Patricks Feast

Cheers

Px

It seems no one wants to comment!! Oh and Realty

So I'm getting very little back from you good folk (how Canuck is that?) Oh, sorry English people you might not know that term. It's a kind of way for Canadians to identify themselves. In Britain we had Fcuk here we have Canuck. Odd that is so long given the inability of a Canadian to say autumn.

I'd like some feedback however and particularly if it could be very damning - go on I'm looking for some vibe here. This is a lonely business just typing away and everyone snickering away.

Guess what - it's raining.... rain rain go away come back another century or even better try another planet. Which brings me to another idea ..... what are we going to do if it doesn't stop. Could you imagine living in a place that it rains forever and ever? I suppose our skin would be soft and youthful... ya right... far too late for that. (Actually I am now finishing this post on a day of bright sunlight - so I've somewhat lied - the rain will, however, return shortly)

NOW ABOUT LOOKING FOR A NEW HOME

Though this product is referred to as realty I must admit that there is very little reality in the entire process. We have seen some very scary stuff. The actual squalor that people live in and then think they can show it is completely beyond me. Okay, maybe we got high standards - we are in the hospitality industry and gay - but these people have no excuse. I'm sure they all have slippers that are in shapes of pigs which they march around their little squalid worlds in. There was one place that the one arm of the settee had turn to leather from the drool and drink of the owner. When you look else in the place though it is empty its obvious they had no idea what Vim and toilet cleaner were. OINK OINK

Our problem is we only have until 23 April - the deposit has been paid the house inspection done and signed off and now we're done to the septic check. We could be homeless if something doesn't actually happen quickly. The only place we've seen that we want has an offer on it and you can't gazump in this country. Oh and why not you stupid people that make these worlds? It makes it all that much more interesting. Plus it is evil so that makes it jolly good fun. Well we can only hope the deal falls off the cliff because of some subject. And why use "subjects" - even QE2 doesn't use them - or does she the nasty German mare?

Not much else to say today - working on some charactures of SSI people. So far from what I've written it might involve court cases and public hanging.

Last thought. They are going cull mad camels in Australia - I've put and order for two of alive and Alan and I can ride them around town. It would make change to always driving everywhere and I think they would fit in. They say that if SSI was on the main land it would have fence around it to keep the madness in.

Cheers

Px

Is this or Is this not worthy of comment?

I'm having one of those days when either things are a chore or couldn't really be bothered. That's a great word: bothered - I believe it is abused heavily in someplaces in England.

So, I thought to myself. let's just drop everything - pour a wee glass of wine and rant for a little while. Well I can't be bothered. Really what is going on - don't even have a rant in me. Okay then maybe let's start some where other than rants. Praises and roses - so Saltspring.

Okay one more try.... It's Lent again folks and its such a happy time for Catholics. I am excepted to help out at a St. Pat's dinner at the Church and they are not providing a bar. What is this all about? Goodness me we're virtually Irish (There is actually a town named Neale in Ireland) so let's get on with things. You're supposed to stubble out of such events and not go home and actually recall every conversation you've had. Most of them are obviously going to be mundane regardless. I'll probably be able to say the Rosary before retiring rather than falling into my customary coma.

So what really am I going on about? Let's try a couple of more topics. It's now six months since I left the island. It's almost 4 years since we left England - I soooo want to go back. There's very little Canadian in me but Alan, of course, has become a fully convincing version of one.

The weather is great - about time. Oh! just heard it's going to be "rainy and windy" tonight. Who are those people? Imagine being called "windy". Mind you there was a chap we picked up when he was hitchiking and he may have been "windy". We don't pickup hitchikers now - question of possible staining of the seats.

Oh! I have a rant. How does $243.00 for a British Passport renewal sound? I think Tony Blair should be realiise we don't all make the same money as his wife. Also he should change his name to Thatcher. He has recently started to look like her without the drag. It would be interesting if we found out that he and Brown were having an affair...... ooh dear I'm now not feeling very well.

So there's not really anything to comment on

Well no pics today ..... oh hang on just one
Had to throw a drink in!

Cheers
Px

Okay so I almost missed February!

Where has the time gone. Seems only last week we were celebrating Chinese New Year - oh - it was only just last week. Great party - typical Neale/Nunn due. I just love waking up in my clothes at 3am - how does that work - you go to bed and can't remember the bit of removing the shoes? Must be what it will be like in the Seniors Home later this century - or month at the rate I'm going. More on that later.

Grand Announcment

House is up for sale - no body will buy it but they will make appointments to view - I really dislike that word; actually I'm making a list of words that I don't like I have 2234 pages of them. I guess I might have to give up English as my first language and return to jibberish.

The way it goes with these viewings (the bloody work got bigger!) is after having spent 5 hours doing a boil wash on the place, getting fresh cut flowers, putting on expensive fresh coffee, scenting each individual room with the finest French perfumes, all that these people will want is to have a snoop and then say something like this or similiar to that due to the fact they saw a deer in the garden and it upset the them and therefore the place is not suitable. Stupid buyers or is it a case of really stupid sellers? I suppose the fact we chased the deer of the property with a sawed off shot gun maybe it was just too Applachian for them. Hey, I kept my teeth in.

Well this time we've tried the upmarket route and gone with:

I was dually impressed, particularly after I said that most experiences with Realtors were near enough evil ones. We, of course, were otherwise. (Note to oneself: get pixies ears
Actually on that note we could wear them and hangout at school yards scaring littl'uns)

Promotional material on the house is at http://www.thehobbs.ca/ (bless them, as I've not said the hobbit word out loud) Actually the agents seem very genuine. You can also go to Sotheby's site at: http://sothebysrealty.ca/listings/L1367.html

Okay now some current activity news from the island - or at least in PVN's small portion. Yesterday we had to go to the children's toy shop to pickup something for one of our friend's niece's children - very extended family I thought. When I asked the lady in the shop if she had anything in the way of a book on narcotic abuse for a 3 year old she actually started choking. At first, thinking I had offended her, she told me to stop making her laugh has she had very bad throat and found it difficult. I explained to her that maybe working in a children's store whilst suffering from the Norwalk Fever might not be a good idea... well she started choking again. I then suggested that she pop up to Greenwoods Seniors Home (its been quarantined for a fortnight due to Norwalk) and see if she could get accommodations, usually reserved for seniors. They could make an exception and there always seems to be a warmish bed available there. That might be because they've just remove another body, however, it could be also due to the heated coals they use for centre heating. It's such a modern facility. I'm told the piano player is nearing 100 and stone deaf. They have one lady that can still hop with a cane. Fun to watch when she trips on her heavy woolen tights that are sagging due to the adult diaper she's been told is fashionable.

Back to the shop. In this shop there were stuffed toys which when I pointed them out to our friend's they oohed and awed (very adult public behaviour) - however, these things had very odd noses which somewhat looked like terrifying dildos. That made them stop. I don't think I should be allowed in these shops. Recommending to the shopkeeper that she should have a section on evil mothers for bedtime reading didn't go done that well - though she did keep coughing. She may have died if we hadn't left. There now is a sign of a bald guy in brogues outside the shop, underneath it reads: Not welcomed.

Well our friend did find a gift - it was suggested that it wasn't a good idea to send the child's story set in Saltspring because they don't want them to visit. This, I understand, infants can be messy and usually best went taken back to where they come from (except our little girl Katelin).

For those outside of the realm of SSI a weather update:

Dry today - wet tomorrow - dry possibly the next day - and moist for the remainder of the month. I'm comfortable with moist.

Well that's it for Feb - I will try to do more entries but I sometimes forget what has happened. Oh I found these two pics - please do now spew on your computor screen:

Yes it's Panama Paul and
Pancake Al!!

Cheers

Px

I am having a severe problem with the above game. I am addicted - I have done over a thousand of these little puzzles and I have still have a couple of thick books to work on. The addiction is not so serious when compared to the relationship I have started to develop with the individual numbers. Because the numbers are constantly looking at you or you them. They are very much become part of your reality. Here's what has happened.

Number 1 - its a signature of perfection but generally plays very little role in actually solving the puzzle - therefore it is lazy or unnecessary. Take it out of the loop and you'd probably not miss it. In the long term though removing it would extract what ever purity is left in the game and also where would one start counting from ? - not from Number 2 - its part of the evil trio.

Number 2 - just look at it. Fat up top, one slender line to stand on which is just a pretense of elegance. Also it is looking to the left . It probably votes for Harper/Bush etc. This number must really think itself very special. It is constantly teaming up with Numbers 6 and 9 to make up a concoction of mind splitting tricks. They have that "bring it on" attitude. My only consolation is I usually win against the b'tards but not after having developed a brain tumour. They are the bad boys of the game and wish the would go back where they came from but that might open the gates of Hades.

Number 3 - its a wannabe - not exactly an 8, not graceful like 7, not pure like 1 and not evil like 2,6 and 9. Rumour has it that it hates Numbers 4 and 5. It is something that goes back several hundred years and has never been resolved. We will probably hold a commission on this - in Canada they hold commissions about anything - nose bleeds, grocery trolley wheels and I believe they are still investigating why French people speak French. This inquiry has been going on since 1493, with the same judge holding the chair; don't even think about the aroma of that committee room. But this is in a country where they hang someone and in 100 years time they are a national hero. Note to myself - get hung.

Number 4 - I really like it, something is so lovely about the Number in fact I am actually or maybe in love with a number! You can write and display it in so many ways. It can be stoic, fancy, graceful and even over the top. In the puzzle it usually reveals its location early giving a buzz to the solver. Particularly if the puzzle solver is using solvents.

Number 5 - now there's a number - bold and looking forward. He's a fair player in the puzzle. Never causing to much pain nor giving it out for free. Shame about the belly, never like that on a person. Actualy never did go there - haven't I been lucky?

Number 6 - he's nasty see Number 2. It's also the day of my birth so it really lucked out once - otherwise it needs to be put in the bin. Aren't I an egotist?

Number 7 - oh yes my girl freind. You can look to the left with grace. Someone should really tell Number 2 and of course to the those with a liking to the left should know that you can carry it off without the neccessity of appearing inhuman. Oh dear I think I am writing about numbers as humans and thereby losing the plot in due course.

Number 8 - its always Christmas Day with this one. She hides the gifts under the girth; she cooks like a mad woman and she's - well - she's fat! I have had a couple of run ins with her in the puzzle arena. But generally she makes little difference. I bet she's lonely and only hopes she'll not be forgotten.

Number 9 - see Number 2- but a couple of comments. He's not a 10 and knows it so we can play with his mind whenever we wish. Maybe this feeds the evil; but whatever is all I can say. Aren't I hip?

Happy Birthday Mark, Fiona, and Wayne.

As always and ever shall be
Pxx

It's far too bloody cold for a Brit & a Canadian Softie

I said "It was what?" the geeky weather man responded with "Due to a high pressure system hovering over the west coast it was -8C" I thought well that is just an excuse. The geek left with a bug in his ear and several chunks of ice where they won't melt quickly. What really irks me is they get paid to be nerds throughout their life time on earth.

Where does one go for compensation over even a nice old fashioned rate about these conditions? We need the UN to set up a commission.

As one can imagine there is only one conversation on the island and it is really becoming a bore. My solution is to start nasty rumours about the sexual escapades of the not very rich and famous - but at least throwing out names that are unexpected such as local clergy, carers at the local old folks home, and teachers that coach the local basketball team. Come to think of it they were all likely candidates. Well at least it breaks up the monotony.

I do think, though, that I am probably best with a a few drinks down the ole' gullet and as this is the month of abstention the stories, by previous standards, are not the same quality but the juices still flow within the story line. A few little tipples and the slander because more cruel and shocking... but that's pretty easy here, most have no idea what half of the words mean so they just have look of shock on their faces. You're guaranteed the facial responses one seeks unless they are Harley Davidson riders and you can't see thru the beard and whatever is in residence inside them.

Now about this not drinking lark. It's a kind of statement saying "I'm not dependent and I care about my well being". Yea right - I count the hours to the return of Lady Rumela Cocalo - she was edited out of a Oscar Wilde play. The character, an old auntie, visiting from her Lake Cuomo Villa, convinces you that you need her more than she needs you thus you partake in anything she says. Such a ancient predator and it can become messy around midnight. Lady Rumela of course has a very expensive digital camera/movie maker.

I was thinking the other day about the faeries at the bottom of the garden. During a severe cold snap do they have little fur jackets made from road kill? Do they set up little camp fires and dance to the wee hours to keep warm? Or do they pop over to the D.L. (dull lesbian) next door and move in using the folds of her form as snuggy respite from the deep freeze? (There's one about the a Witches' Tit, but I won't go there) I'm very sure that there is much activity but until now I have not shared these speculations with anyone.

Now you can understand what is happening when I stop partaking in the nectar of the gods. Hope Alan as forgotten to keep up with the blog as this posting could scare the B'Jesus out of him. Though he was never very religious so he'll just shake his head and mutter something in Sussex slang.

Can you imagine the dreams? Even Polanski wouldn't go there.

Sorry for delays in loading things; been fairly busy and my technical skills are very juvenile. Must get a cute 18 year IT student to pop over for biscuits and blogs.

Before I go:

Recipe for a Canadian Softie:

Start with aTim Horton's Frostie (looks like snow)

Maple sugar (its in the CDN Constitution that if don't use it you could time by courtesy of an Haitian woman if don't include the substance. We get our freinds to put it in curries, because they shouldn't be eating the crap)

Cheese curd (a nod to our French contingent - and we're just as scare as them as the Constitutional Courts)

Salmon from "up coast"(mind you not the stuff whereby they pre-chew if for you to make candy, exceptions made if you have young children)

Measurements and Quantities to taste - (like most things CDN it's questionable)
Serve fresh - preferably at a ice hockey game wearing one's homemade woolly hat(sorry toque, so stupd, whoa, puh) At least you know your mother love you once when you put these fashion statements. But I ask why do people want to look like they are lacking in the area of IQ or they trying to get across a sense of confidence and up yours boys kind of attitude?

Much love
Px

PS: Alt to making a CDN Softie - call Hundred Hills House there's a live one there.

02 January 2007 and they are trying to wash us away

Another 6 inches in 12 hours - dear me some would be pleased but when its just more rain it becomes rather hideous.

However, we would like to wish all a Happy New Year - you know the blah blah bit that follows

For those elsewhere in Canada enjoying far better weather may we also remind you that you pay for these pleasures. I have bottles of locusts specially poised for your summer. Must say that's rather vindictive of Mr Neale and I am sure Mr Alan would not approve. He would however invite you down to the marina for a ducking.

Best wishes all

P & A x